I should probably suck it up by now, but I am a terrible sport. So I have been told. It’s not really my fault that I am a very competitive person and don’t take defeat in stride. I blame the government and every organization that I can think of right now. Yes. Them. They don’t set a good example either.

Last night was the Champions league between Arsenal and Barcelona. Not only did Messi make a mockery of our good ol’ Cech, he had to score twice and hand over our asses on home turf. Gooners worldwide blame you Flaming, but let me not get into that this early in the story. Dude you bad karma bruh!

The first half had everybody balancing on their teeth and tits. I mean, Barca really molested our box and they just kept pushing and pushing…Suarez’s heart trick met the mighty hand of Cech and for a minute I was scared he might plunge his teeth in something- or someone- in frustration. Messi on the other hand made some incredibly ludicrous wide shots all through the first half and I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. Hope for the rest of his days he remembers he smacked an emirate goalpost.

Yes, am using some sick humor I know shit about but today am feeling really shitty and came up with shitty excuses so as not to attend my not so shitty classes. I am also allowed to grieve and secretly plot on how to recover my sportpesa bet come Sunday when you know who comes for a serious whooping. (Read, red)

I thought we had them on the second half. I mean, we had some seriously good foot work going on between Ozil, Giroud, Welbeck hotness, Walcott and that other guy with irresistible facial hair. Hey, am a woman and it’s only in football I get to see so much hotness, in one place, at once! So yes. We made love to the game and we were almost getting our names screamed out, when Pandora’s box opened and it all went south. Really, really fast.

Oh but why did it have to be you Flaming?! Why??

He had to foul a man in all the wrong places. Worse? In the goddamn penalty box. Two minutes into the game and he handed them a golden spoon with a cute pink ribbon on it and a belated Christmas card stuck in ice-cream cake with the words, “make mama proud” painfully scribbled inside. I am eating a consolation cake courtesy of my roommate so bear with the foodie innuendos.

I am not going to give Barca fans the much needed pleasures of going through the second half highlights so I am just going to leave at that.

Messi, you are adorable and cute, with a boyish grin on your irresistible face, but last night you seriously turned me off.





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